minor setback

me, canon digital rebel xt

I had a minor set back yesterday. I received news from a previous coworker/friend that she was pregnant. I didn't expect it to rock my world...but it did. In fact, I was the one that reached out to this person because I had a dream that she was indeed pregnant. So, in my naivete, I sent her an email with the question..."well, are you?"

When I sent it, I felt that I was in a really centered space. After my dream, I was happy for her and curious as to how her path of trying to conceive was going. As I said in my post yesterday, I haven't been all that emotional lately. My moanful cries have evolved into a tiny tear here and there and then I move on. My focus has been this grand new path of holistic healing and diet change. I thought I was totally prepared for her answer.

So, I was a bit taken aback that when I read her response "yes...I am due any day now", I felt as though I had been side swiped. Not by her, of course. She is so very innocent and incredibly kind. When I came to the realization that it had only taken her a few months to conceive, the flood began.

All these old familiar feelings of fear resurfaced. Well, not just fear, mind you. Anger, frustration, confusion. It was two years this month for how long my husband and I have been trying. That might not seem long to some, but to me...it has felt an eternity. Especially since it was a year ago when we began all the tests and procedures:

Blood tests, sperm tests, exams, ultrasounds, x-ray's, tubes and dyes up into my uterus, herbal teas, herbal tonics, 20 supplements per day, acupuncture, massage, meditations, hormones, intrauterine inseminations...GEEZ. Putting all of this energy into this process on a daily basis and then have it not work is outrageously unfair. Then there are those that sneeze and get pregnant (like my sisters and everyone else in my huge family).

I don't mean this to be a "poor me" post, if that is how it is sounding. I have never been comfortable with negative attention in my life. It just helps to see it all in writing and remind myself how far I have come and how much we have endured. It helps me not to be so hard on myself when I have what I am calling a "minor setback" in my emotions.

I have amazing support in my life and it always pulls me through. In fact, one of my dear friends that walked with me on this journey and is now 6 months pregnant is visiting for a few days. I am hoping that will put a brighter perspective on this journey. She went through all that we have gone through and more, and is now enjoying her swelling belly...finally.

Another friend on this journey told me yesterday that it always took her a few days to get over the news of a pregnancy. So, I know I am not alone with these emotions.

I'll get through it and come out on the other end stronger than before. I always do. Like I said, this is a minor setback but to be perfectly honest...it just sucks.

candle therapy

bedroom candles, canon digital rebel xt

I am not quite sure how this post is going to turn out. Perhaps because I am not quite sure what head space I am in. I can try to write my feelings out articulately but then I would be doing myself and you a disservice, since I am not feeling very articulate right now.

I sat here this morning reading my previous posts because I feel as though lately I am unable to connect my emotions to the blog world. I read that disconnection in the tone behind my words the last few weeks. I am usually so in touch with my emotions. So much so that it is overwhelming but that hasn't been happening lately.

I am trying to determine whether it is numbness I feel or if a depression has lifted or if I am actually truly happy or if I am in denial. Funny how those all can feel the same sometimes.

Since going to this new homeopathic doctor and being committed to this Eat Right for your Blood Type diet (that Thea is on as well), I feel as though my mind and body have been spinning. I have actually had something for my mind to focus on in regards to trying to conceive. For the past year, I have opened myself to allow others to take care of that with acupuncture, herbs and then later hormones, ultrasounds, blood tests and invasive procedures. My current doctor, for the most part, has put some responsibility back into my life and it has distracted me from the longing to conceive. I heard myself say to a friend on the phone yesterday..."I feel like getting my body healthy is first and foremost and making a baby is on the back burner...which feels so freeing." Did I really just hear myself say that? Is that truly how I feel? Or is it how I want to feel because my fear is taking over and protecting my heart from disappointment again?

Am I truly letting go and putting my energy into other things or am I just not allowing myself to go there emotionally? These questions were burning inside the latter half of yesterday.

Last night, I laid in our bed listening to my husband fall into a deep sleep. I noticed my brain was flying from thought to thought but none of those thoughts were about a baby. I turned to my side and stared at the candles lit on my side of the bed. I allowed myself to consciously think about a baby, our baby and how different our life will be with another little human being in our home. I then felt that familiar ache. I felt that missing deep down in my belly...and a tear rolled down my cheek. The same tear that is rolling now. I am almost relieved at those little vessels of feelings that pour from my eyes. I thought they were gone.

So, I suppose I am trying to find the balance between moving forward with this goal of detoxing my body, as well as, being in touch with my emotions that are at the heart of why I am truly doing this.

So if you have read a different tone in my previous posts, know that it is all part of this journey I am on. It is part of this process of finding my peace, of trust, of letting go, of holding on, of allowing others to help me and also helping myself. It's a dichotomy. It's conflict. It's life. It's just where I am right now.

I should stare at candles more often.

self portrait challenge ~ enclosed spaces

dreamer, canon digital rebel xt

Me enclosed in an ethereal dream.

I've been having some amazing dreams lately. Do you ever wake up and try your hardest to fall back asleep so that you can return to your dream land? Back to the people you were with and the adventures you were on? Then when you can't quite get back there, you find yourself reflecting throughout your day and missing those imaginary dream friends?

I often dream of walking through an ethereal forrest with a sheer, white gown on and my hair blowing softly with the trees. Faeries join me and guide me to sit with them near a lake. They tell me stories of their travels and we share laughter as they speak of those that do not believe in them. We braid one another's hair with flowers, leaves and gems. It feels so intimate, so warm and welcome.

The symbolism, the meaning behind dreams has always fascinated me. I have a dear friend that has the gift of dream interpretation and many times has offered up her wisdom to help me through my journey.

I have learned that my dreams are not far beyond my reality. Even the possibility of faeries...

Find where other's are enclosed here.

Sunday Scribblings ~ Monster

spirit, canon digital rebel xt

I was going to start by sharing my fear of darkness being the monster in my life. That I need to keep little lights on throughout the house for when I get up in the middle of the night. I find myself walking quickly from room to room, from darkness into light in a bit of a panic. Although, I reflected more deeply and found that it isn't really the darkness that frightens me but the spirits that lurk there.

I believe in a spirit world. I have since I was a child. I had been sick with a flu for a while and one morning I walked out into the kitchen to where my mother was. She said I looked healthy and told her that the angel that visited me the night before told me I was going to be well. I said it as though it was completely normal. Well, to me...it was.

Being an empath, I feel evil spirits as well..not just the healing and loving ones. But the ones that leave a cold chill brushing up against my skin as they pass.

Since this world is so real to me, I have a very difficult time watching thrillers and scary films. After watching Silence of the Lambs, I made my husband drive me around downtown in the middle of the night with the windows open because I couldn't sleep. I kept looking at my husband like he was going to eat me for breakfast with fava beans. It's ridiculous how much it effects me and that is why I choose not to go there.

I am sure a huge imagination adds to all of this.

I never feel like these spirits are going to hurt me. I feel protected by God, by our Universe. It is just the fact that I can sense them that is a bit frightening, where as others are completely oblivious. I wonder if they are trying to tell me something. If I have been chosen as a messenger for them to someone who is living.

I don't talk very much about this. In fact...hardly at all.

So perhaps that is why I used this Sunday Scribblings "monster" prompt as an excuse to share with others that the spirit world is a part of my life. Not quite as dramatic as in films, of course...but existing, nonetheless.

I am choosing to concentrate on the good ones. The angels that protect me. The ones that sing me to sleep and brush my hair when I am crying. I will leave it to them to fight off the others.

emails, films and the tellie

old bike in tree, canon digital rebel xt

Many of you have been unable to email or comment due to my Bohemian Girl Designs inbox being full. I finally cleaned it out, so those of you who have let me know, you can contact me now! My apologies.

Last night the hubs and I saw a wonderful film. The acting was phenomenal and the writing brilliant: Little Miss Sunshine.

Speaking of excellent writing...we also stumbled upon a fabulous show on the Independant Film Channel (IFC) called The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman. A true depiction of life in Hollyweird. Such comic relief!

If and when you do watch these, I am curious to your opinions. Enjoy...

messy with curves

pastel drawings in progess, canon digital rebel xt

Today Joshua Radin, Josh Kelley and I got messy with some curves up in my studio. Me and their music, that is. I haven't broke free like this in longer than I'd like to admit. Their smooth melodies inspired me to move those curves ever so softly across the paper. I was longing for and admiring these figures in my drawings like the Josh's loved the muses in their songs. I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke!

Thanks for the inspiration guys.

poetry thursday ~ time

boho, canon digital rebel xt

time with you
was soft and silent
fresh and pure
it forever lives
within me
your touch
your smell
your promise
engraved into my
heart

i still feel your essence
between your words
imagining your letter
is your skin
brushed elegantly
across mine
lying in a bed
i thought you'd rest in

time is hours, days, years
but these memories
are ever present
living still in my mind

(a poem written for a dear friend and her heart)

freak flag

carsten in urban outfitters, canon digital rebel xt

"You have a freak flag...and haven't flown it yet." ~ Luke Wilson to Sarah Jessica Parker in The Family Stone

I watched this film for the second time last night and this line made me smile. I kept thinking about it for the remainder of the evening and throughout today.

I've always flown my freak flag and now that I am with someone who also has one, we're flying it higher together. When I saw this picture above, I laughed out loud to myself. It is such a Carsten face. He looks as though he is about to burst into laughter but he'll just stay like that until you're the one giggling.

He's one of the most animated people I know. Without realizing it, he's created voices for different animals and people (including me), so when he is telling a story, a voice comes out and it always makes it more real. It makes him a marvelous story teller. I've often encouraged him to do voiceovers for cartoons. Perhaps some day. I don't quite like the voice he has for me. I sound like a chipmunk but it never fails to make me laugh...even when I feel annoyed.

While chatting with Romina last night, she said..."I have a feeling Carsten is a very funny guy." Interesting how people pick up on that through a picture.

I love that he flies his freak flag so frequently. It inspires me to wave mine back and forth. I am learning that there is a true blue geek side to me and rather than being embarrassed of it, I am embracing it. Even feeling proud of it. Yes...I love watching Science Fiction! I used to think that SciFi was the epitome of nerd-dome. Now I am seeing how very intelligent it can be. Oops, my glasses just broke, I need to go put tape on them.

It is so free-ing to let loose, and open those tight lids on my life. So this brings me to a question. Have you flown your freak flag lately?

self portrait challenge ~ enclosed spaces

boho, canon digital rebel xt

Me enclosed in waves.

It is a crisp morning here. There is a door to my studio upstairs that follows out onto a porch garden. I love to open it in the mornings and feel the mist dance its way into our home. The skies are overcast and there is a scent luring the promise of rain. I grew up with mornings like this and for me, they sooth my soul. I believe it was skies like this that lead me to living by the ocean. They call to my spirit.

I sit here with candles burning and the soft sounds of my visiting niece, Kelly sleeping down below.

While my thoughts were drifting to the ocean this morning, I thought about the two days I have spent swimming deeper into the ocean and diving under large waves. This is a brave new me and Kelly was there to inspire that bravery. You see...as much as I love our mother ocean, living near her, walking on the shore every day and sitting up against a rock watching her glory, I know of her power and therefore, have been intimidated by her waters most of my life.

I've always only allowed myself to get so close. Either on top by boat or if by foot, only comfortable with the waves that broke near my waist. Anything higher, I would feel overwhelmed and at her mercy.

The last few days, my dear niece has gently led me with her hand further and further and rather than cowering away from those waves over my head, I faced them head on and dove under. We'd come to surface, wiping our hair from our eyes and look at one another with huge smiles, squeals and then laughter. We did it again and again and again until our bodies were worn and tight with salty skin.

To me this was a new step closer to the intimacy I have always felt with the ocean. Not only have I admired her home but now I have entered in. I know she can be fierce but she was gentle with me in those moments.

I feel as though this was the prelude to many deep waters I am going to face and dive into. I am ready and willing to be baptized by their lessons and growth.

To see where others are enclosed, go here.

edited to add: i know i've posted this early, but tomorrow promises to be a busy day. i know you wouldn't expect me to bring my treasured camera out into the waves, so i am hoping this self portrait captures the feeling well.

Portraits of Kelly and Auntie Boho

I am swimming in Kelly goodness. She's a wise soul at the age of 16. I love that my nieces are my close friends. They are kindred spirits that I can laugh with, philosophize with and get a bit sassy with.

Let's see...so far we've swam far out into the ocean and dove under big waves for a few hours. We've shopped loads of vintage boutiques, talked of our dreams of traveling the world at an Italian cafe, picked up some art supplies, made a necklace to adorn her neck, and tried some daring cuisine.

Wanted to share the love:


kelly & boho on the beach, canon digital rebel xt


kelly's yummy beach braid, canon digital rebel xt


us before heading out to shop vintage!, kodak easyshare digital


kelly on the trolley, kodak easyshare digital


boho on the trolley, kodak easyshare digital


kelly in vintage dress, kodak easyshare digital

Here are a few of the many pictures I took during a photo shoot with candlelight. She is so natural in front of the camera:


kelly glow, canon digital rebel xt


kelly in candlelight, canon digital rebel xt


kelly soft, canon digital rebel xt

entranced

kelly, self portrait

My niece Kelly is arriving in an hour to be with us for four days. So, I may not spend time in the bloggie world and if I do, I'll be posting some fun pics of us...or just her. I plan to do a photo session of her because well, I mean...look at that face!

Ever since Willamena (nick name) was little, she has stared at whomever she is talking to deeply in the eyes, absorbing every morsel of their story. You feel entranced by her presence. She's one of the kindest souls I know. I look forward to creating with her...whatever, wherever that may be. I've been an auntie since I was 10 years old, so they feel like my friends more than anything.

poetry thursday ~ i choose haiku

pastel drawing in progress

chalk on my fingers
releasing the woman within,
begging for more curves

my emotional self

boho, canon digital rebel xt

I hesitated to post another self portrait of myself this morning, concerned that it might appear to those who don't know me well that I am riding the vain train. That is not what this is about for me. Although I am not following the rules of Liz's self acceptance meditations with a mirror every day, I am participating in a way that is also satisfying the creative girly in me. Does Boho ever follow the rules anyway? That's okay...I know Lizzy loves me for that.

Rather than starring in a mirror, I am trying to capture my emotions with a camera that are real, raw and not posed. It is easier for me to do this with a lens rather than starring in a mirror because without watching myself immediately, I feel free to be expressive without having to deal with my watchful eye. Once all of the pictures are uploaded, that is my time to absorb all the facets of who I am and embrace the parts that are challenging for me to accept.

For me lately, it is not so much about trying to accept the new lines, freckles, lumps and bumps (and they are there...trust me), but it is more about me trying to accept my emotional self. It has been a crazy ride for us the past few years and I have been diving into feelings I never knew existed in this heart of mine.

As my sister's and parents have always said to me, I have lived under this "lucky star" where things, people and events have just come into my life that were absolutely extraordinary. I haven't had to work really hard for something to happen and therefore, never had to face the scary reality that something I want really bad might not ever come to fruition.

Well, this journey to conceive threw me on my ass and taught me a thing or two about working hard for something you want. I am grateful for it, so grateful for the lessons. My eyes have been opened. I am having to learn patience, trust, faith in a way that goes against what feels natural for me. I have dove into depths of pain, anger, frustration, depression that I never thought possible for my positive, lucky~star self.

So, along with all of you beauties on the amazing journey in front of the mirror accepting and embracing your reflections, I am over here on this side, in front of the lens, accepting my new emotional self.

Perhaps next month I'll move over to those other bits. One thing at a time for me.

self portrait challenge ~ enclosed spaces

boho, canon digital rebel xt

Me enclosed...in my curls.

Today I feel adventure is near. It is peeking around the corner, beckoning me to play. Today I feel sassy and spunky and mmmm...curly? Yep...I feel curly.

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

See where others are enclosed here.

sunday scribblings ~ who else can i still be?

me & tammy's new baby Mia Solen, taken by Carsten,
canon digital rebel xt

I can still be fertile, carrying a healthy baby to term.
I can still be a mother that is grateful for every morsel of a moment with her child.
I can still be a wife that loves her husband more passionately each day.
I can still be a risk taker.
I can still be a gypsy.
I can still be a missionary...in another country or sitting at a cafe.
I can still be an author of a children's book.
I can still be an author of an inspirational book to help empower women.
I can still be a wild, funky and unique business owner.
I can still be an artist that does not compare herself to others, but embraces her own gifts.
I can still be a world traveler.
I can still live in different cultures...knowing there is so much to experience, touch, taste, feel.
I can still bring awareness to my world.
I can still be a student of life, spirituality and personal power.
I can still be a woman who creates the life of her dreams because she believes in herself.

Find what others still can be here.

suitcase heart

boho & her favorite suitcase, canon digital rebel xt

"I hold so many people in my suitcase heart." ~ The Weepies

Speaking of the weepies...it was quite the morning of tears in our household. I had forgotten how good it felt to cry hard into a pillow with sheets tied up in knots all around my legs. I had forgotten how good it felt to moan...to dig deep into my well of pain and pull it out with all of my strength. I have let it fester there for too long. Whether it was to keep moving forward or to be strong for my family, myself...I let it lie there drowning deep within me.

Every other month when I would start my cycle I would just cry for a few minutes and then shake it off. I had a goal and I didn't want to get sucked into a vortex of drama steering me away from my focus.

Not today. Today I cried hard. Alone. Then with a kitty curled up next to me. Then with my husband snuggled up behind me. I cried to God. I cried to the Universe. I cried to my baby. It wasn't a victimy cry. It wasn't a "poor me...why is this happening" cry. It was a release. A release of pent of emotions of mostly just sadness. Before I did this, my heart felt tight. My stomach felt tight. My muscles in my brain felt tight. But now I feel lighter. I feel more clear. I feel more alive. I feel more whole.

We have made a decision that for the first time in a long while, feels so in sync with our hearts. We are leaving our western fertility clinic and moving forward on this journey with a holistic doctor. I won't go into details. Just know that it fits with us, our bodies and what we believe may be the issue to our challenge with conceiving. It was an empowering decision that meant letting go of the unnecessary fear our doctor was planting within us.

After making this decision, I had a strong urge to mourn what I thought was the path for us but knew down deep in my heart that it never quite felt right. Once my husband and I sat knee to knee and admitted it, threw down our denial and spoke our truth, I couldn't help but move deeper into that well...further into the emotions I had been hiding.

I sent out an email to my closest friends and family informing them of our decision. I was worried most about the reaction from my family...mainly my dear parents. I know they love me deeply and naturally worry about us and what we're going through. I was worried that they would panic that we left our western doctor because they want a grandchild as much as we want a child. Then I heard my mothers voice today on the phone. As soon as she said hello, I heard in her voice that all was well. She let me cry in silence for a bit and then she proceeded to be my cheerleader. She was thrilled of our decision. She felt at peace about it. She agreed with the method. She believes I will conceive. She trusts. She got it. She was my rock. During that phone call, I felt her suit me up with my armor and I walked away from it ready for a new journey.

Pixie pointed out on the phone the other night that I have a wonderful support system here on my blog as well. She's right. You all have been an integral part of my growth.

I am learning through this that I have a resilient and big heart...a big suitcase heart where I am holding each one of you on this journey.

Are you suited up? Onward we go...

edited to add: I want to personally thank my sweet kindred friend Thea today. She was a huge part of helping us get to this decision. We've talked on the phone ever day and she has gently helped me dive deeper to discover many truths about this journey. We are now on this new holistic quest together. I love you!

my other big sis

pamela, self portrait

I looked at this picture and swooned...then wanted to share it with the world. Introducing my other big sis, Pamela. She's not into the bloggie thing, hence why you haven't seen her around but she's into other cool things.

Whenever I look at my sisters, I lose my breath. They have classic beauty that never fades. Beauty like the old film stars. Whenever we are all together, powerful things happen. I need their mojo today, so it was quite apropos that I saw this picture tonight.

Thanks for the mojo sis...you're hot!

skirt & jeans

my favorite skirt, canon digital rebel xt

not only have your yummy words lifted my heart...but so has wearing my favorite skirt over jeans.

i know...i am such a girly girl.

protecting my heart

orchid from Thailand, canon digital rebel xt

Today my emotions are at the surface of everything. They are always there but perhaps play a behind the scenes role during my days. Today they are center stage. So my job as the manager of my emotions is to encourage them to play a soft, ethereal, languid song rather than the high pitched rough noise that I hear right now.

This is always a tender time for me. The days leading up to the knowledge of whether or not we have conceived. I've spent the days previous in a positive mind frame. I meditate on what I desire and I envision myself with a swelling belly at Christmas around my family. I try to truly feel those emotions of joy, pride and gratefulness that all is well in my womb.

But these next few days during my cycle I feel a natural protection mechanism around my heart. Something inevitable as a result of month after month, after almost two years of what I envision not yet coming to fruition. I try so hard to push that fear, that protection aside but it resides within me. So, I am trying to figure out a way to welcome it into my world while still remaining positive and hopeful. I am learning. Forever learning.

I want to find that balance between protecting my heart, yet at the same time allow myself to feel the thrill of impending motherhood, without worrying about the disappointment that may come.

If any of you have any words of wisdom, snuggles, comic relief, I am open. Feeling protective...but still open.

I am off to turn down the rough noise and turn up the gentler tunes in my head.

self portrait challenge ~ enclosed spaces

boho, canon digital rebel xt

Laughter enclosed in my hands.

Sometimes when I laugh, I want to contain it. To wrap it up in a tiny bow and save it for when I am blue. Here I am holding it in my hands.

See where other's are enclosed here.

Yichud

sean, carey & the yichud guardians, canon digital rebel xt
(click image for larger view)

I learned much about Jewish traditions while helping Sean & Carey coordinate their wedding. The one I fell in love with most was the Yichud.

The "Yichud" is a respected moment in time immediately after the ceremony where the Bride & the Groom escape to a place of quiet which allows them to gaze into one another's eyes and reflect on the moment they just shared together. A time to meditate on each other and the escalation of their senses.

People that are blood related are chosen to guard this sacred moment so that they can marinate in it alone without distraction.

I caught a moment through the window of the building because I knew they would want it captured. Then I quietly walked away and had my own moment of meditation and reflection on one of the most touching ceremonies I have ever been blessed to witness:

vows, canon digital rebel xt

time to get hitched

rob, bobbi & layla at our wedding, photo by robin nations

A few of my bestest friends are coming to visit today for Sean & Carey's wedding on Sunday. These two lovelies in the picture above were my apartment neighbors when I lived in Texas for a few years. The story of how we met is here. It was the sweet groom who played matchmaker for our blessed friendship that will last a lifetime.

Bobbi and I have been through so much together. She's yummy. There are so many things to love but whenever I think of her, I imagine the love noises we make to one another over the phone or in each other's necks in person.

We all get to decorate Sean & Carey's paradise by the beach hours before the ceremony. I cannot wait to string hundreds of white lights in the trees, put the bridal bouquet together, get the candles ready and most of all take fabulous pictures!

It's time to get them hitched!

law of attraction

boho manifesting, canon digital rebel xt

Thea and I were talking on the phone today about how the film The Secret has transformed our way of thinking and feeling in our day to day lives. I shared it with Letha and have witnessed a transformation in her life as well.

The "secret" is the Law of Attraction: If you are thinking and feeling negative thoughts, you are going to attract negative things in your life. If you are thinking and feeling positive thoughts and emotions, you are going to attract positive things. There is a scientific explanation that I won't go into...I encourage you to see the film for that.

What I do know is that it works. Learning to monitor my thoughts has been a challenge but so worth it. I have always been a positive person in general but I never really paid close attention to the many thoughts and images that enter into my psyche throughout the day. After watching this film, I have caught so many negative ones that I am taken aback! So what I do now in that moment is stop and change that thought or image into something that makes me feel good.

Our thoughts are so much more powerful than we realize. We truly can create the life we want by believing it, feeling it and manifesting it. From what I have witnessed in my life since practicing this, I have seen the gifts both large and small.

I'll give you a small example. Today I went to a bookstore in search of books on design. I wanted so badly to score one of the comfy leather chairs scattered between the rows of bookshelves. You know which ones I am talking about. They are always occupied, no?? As I was scanning the aisles on my way to the design section, I saw that the chairs were all taken. I felt myself get frustrated and I imagined having to sit on the floor like I always do. I caught myself in mid negative thought and instead took a moment to envision me sitting in a comfy leather chair. I imagined how peaceful I would feel having all the time in the world to browse through all of my books, sinking deeply into the huge comfy seat.

When I arrived at my section and gathered the books, I turned around and right then and there, the man sitting in the comfy leather chair behind me got up to leave. Not only did I get the chair...but it was in my section!

Call it coincidence...but I call it Law of Attraction.

ps. i cannot do this film justice here. please take 90 minutes out of your day to download and watch it on your computer. it is $4.95...and worth every cent. i'd love to hear your experience!

Poetry Thursday ~ Music

my hubs, canon digital rebel xt

Carsten and I saw Ray Lamontagne in concert last year. We had not heard of him before, so we didn't know what to expect. What we received that night was magic. He was genuine, he was passion, he was intoxicating, he was soulful.

This particular song struck both of us that night. When I listen to it now, it reminds me of this journey we've been through together of trying to conceive a child. During the days that I get confused or down, rather than try to make sense of it, he reminds me of our love, his commitment to me and that we are in this together, not alone. "If we keep our hearts together...". So yes, as the song says...our friendship is forever strengthened.

Forever My Friend
by Ray Lamontagne

Who am I to tell her
Who am I to play God
Who am I to think I can go it alone
Something tells me girl this is bringing you down
Something tells me this is bringing me down
We've been through some changes
Always seem to hold on
Lately it feels like you can't take anymore
Something tells me girl this is bringing you down
Something tells me girl this is bringing me down
Forever my friend
Forever my love
Forever the woman that I'm thinking of
I just think if we keep our hearts together
I just think if we build on this trust that we have for one another
Baby we can make this last a lifetime
Who am I to tell her
Who am I to play God
I don't know just what's for real anymore
Something tells me girl this is bringing you down
Something tells me girl this is bringing me down
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right
Maybe it's the last thing you want to hear me say
I just think if we keep out hearts together
I just think if we build on this trust that we have for one another
Baby we can make this last a lifetime
Forever my friend
Forever my love
Forever the woman that I'm thinking of
I just think if we keep our hearts together
I just think if we will build on this trust that we have for one another
Baby we can make this last a lifetime

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anticipation

Boho Blossom (Vine) Necklace, Canon Digital Rebel XT

I can feel butterflies in my belly with thoughts of my store opening in late Fall. I am shooting for October, 2006. This has been a long time dream evolving into a reality that is just around the corner.

I've been meditating on my future clients and how my gems, pastel drawings and photography can somehow touch their souls in a magnificent way. That is what the truth of this business is for me, really. I have a deep desire to touch people, to help them discover their greatness and as this journey is unfolding, I am discovering mine.

I've had a blast creating this life for myself. I've been inspired by so many of my creative friends to just dive in and not think too much about the consequences. It was so easy for me to do this in all other areas of my life with the exception of my creativity. Well...that is beginning to change and I am so grateful for the gifts I have received in my life for just letting go and taking risks.

I am so full of anticipation.